A Toaster Story
by BrownxEyedxGirl
Summary: It took me quite some time to learn and understand all these muggle contraptions and inventions that seem that have taken over and invaded my house. Then, she introduced the most frustrating muggle thing yet. The toaster.


**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

**A Toaster Story**

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Her morning routine was always the same.

I watched with curiosity, as my wife would stumble out of bed every morning and into the kitchen. She would grope around in the dark for two slices of bread and cram them into some box thing on the kitchen counter.

The bread would come out about five minutes later slightly toasted. I just did not understand; why wait five minutes when you could have toast in, like, a half a second with a simple spell?

But what can I say? She's my wife and she's also slightly crazy (not to mention that she's Hermione Granger, excuse me, Hermione Malfoy), and I have learned to stop asking questions.

Which is why I didn't ask why she insisted that I use the boxy thing in the kitchen or why I even insisted on listening to her but I guess you could say that I'm whipped.

Yes, I, Draco Malfoy, am whipped. But, in my defense, I have to say that being married for two years and four months will do that to _any _guy (if it hasn't already happened, that is).

It took me quite some time to learn and understand all these muggle contraptions that seem to have taken over my house.

But I understand, she wants our future children to grow up in an equal blend of muggle and magical. And I guess that meant that I needed to learn how to use a dishwasher and understand the muggle currency.

So, yes, I learned how to put a coffee filter in the coffee maker, the wonders of instant macaroni and cheese (although, in reality, it takes three minutes), and I even learned how to use the oven.

I have to admit, I was very proud of myself for learning how to use these muggle devices.

But of course, that was before she introduced the most absolutely frustrating muggle thing yet.

The white boxy thing which she crammed bread into every morning.

Otherwise known as, the toaster.

She said it was going to be easy.

She said it would make perfectly toasted toast.

I said that nothing could be easier than magic.

I said I could already make perfectly toasted toast with a simple spell.

But then she looked at me with her bright caramel colored eyes, as she pouted. And said that this would be different, it would be better. Like she said every time she wanted me to do something muggle.

And I felt the whip. I felt the tug and pull as I slowly began to agree to the bloody toaster thingy or whatever.

"You're going to love this." She said, with a huge smile on her face. And I believed her.

I loved seeing her happy like this. She was happy because she thought that I had an Arthur-Weasley-like obsession with muggle things. And hey, if that makes her happy, then I'm happy enough to let her believe that.

So, the very next day I was sitting on the couch when she thrust the toast thing into my arms.

It was white and square-ish with two slots in the top, which my wife says bread is put in.

That's such an odd thought; cramming bread into a slot about an inch thick. Muggles and their strangeness, I fear I will never understand.

Hermione was practically beaming with excitement as I plugged in the toaster (something I had gotten quite good at, if I say so myself. I might not be the best at making coffee, or boiling water but I could plug in plugs like it was nobody's business).

She handed me a slice of bread, which I stuck into one of the slots and then I pushed down the lever on the side of it.

The lever thingy popped up a few minutes later along with the now, toasted, bread.

I found this toaster thing to be very entertaining. I started toasting _everything. _

I toasted all of the bread and even an entire box of frozen waffles that I found in the freezer thing, or maybe it's called the refrigerator, or possibly a cabinet.

Hermione smiled at my new found interest and left the kitchen, most likely glad that she found a way to keep me entertained and distracted while she went shopping or did a little "light"reading.

With a pile of toast and waffles on the counter, I took a bag of croissants out of the pantry or maybe it was called the breadbox, I'm not sure.

The croissants didn't exactly fit into the slots, but I was so sure that the thing would expand or something (clearly I forgot this was _not _a magical object). So I stuffed several croissants into the slots anyway.

I knew something had gone wrong when the lever popped up and the croissants did not. The box started smoking the next minute.

That really scared me. I _really _needed to get those croissants out before my wife saw or smelled the smoke. Unfortunately, she smelled the smoke and came running into the kitchen just as I was about to pry the croissants out of the toaster with a knife.

She ran in like a crazy woman. A really _hot _crazy woman, I might add. I always thought she was extremely cute when she was angry.

And she was angry as she unplugged the toaster and snatched the knife out of my hand.

She scolded me, as she waved the knife inches from my perfect face. She was saying something about putting objects into electrical devices. _Blah Blah Blah_.

I have heard it all before, not that I had listened then, I had been too busy concentrating on her beautiful, flushed face to remember anything. The same thing was happening now. Her face was red with anger, as she huffed and put her hands on her hips, her mouth still running on about something.

I kissed her (the most effective way of shutting her up). She pulled away moments later, relaxed and smiling. Smirking, I pushed the pile of toast and waffles into the trash can. Then I grabbed my wife's arm and led her to the bedroom as a small giggle left her lips.

The next morning, the toaster sat on the curb (with the croissants still inside) as Hermione dragged me to the nearest store.

For what?

Another toaster, of course!

She picked a slightly smaller toaster this time. I paid for it using the still slightly unfamiliar muggle currency. After seventeen minutes of fumbling around with the paper bills, weird looks from muggles, and some much needed help from Hermione, the toaster was bought and we went home.

Walking into our home, I immediately dumped the toaster out and onto the kitchen counter. Hermione handed me two slices of bread as I plugged in the appliance. I stuck in the bread and pushed down the lever.

I smirked triumphantly. Haha. Stupid, muggle contraptions. I'm just so amazing at learning all this muggle stuff. I must have laughed my evil laugh out loud again because Hermione looked at me strangely and left the room, shaking her head.

Once my most delectable wife left the kitchen, I returned to my egotistical thoughts.

But I thought those thoughts too soon because in a matter of minutes I would find myself in a full out battle with the toaster.

I was thinking about how wonderful I was when I was interrupted by the _Pwoohp!_of the lever on the toaster popping up. I grabbed the bread, expecting toast, but instead I found that the bread was as un-toasted as when I stuck it into the machine in the first place.

I glared coldly at the toaster a minute before putting the bread back into the toaster and pushing down the lever, hard.

Now, I was in a not-so-good mood. Muggle appliances are bloody stupid! I just don't understand! Why do I even _try _to learn these things?

Oh, yeah. I forgot, my wife and my current (and permanent) state of whipped-ness.

The lever flung up again, the bread was _still _not toast. It was way beyond the point of being toasted! They were black and practically ashes in the shape of a slice of bread.

Throwing those carbon-reduced slices of bread into the trash, I pushed two more slices into the blasted, stupid toaster.

The same thing happened again!

Obviously, this thing had absolutely no notion of what toast was. I was getting extremely frustrated over the fact that this bloody toaster could not make toast. I tried once more, and the toaster failed miserably, making toast even blacker than the first two times (if that was even possible).

In a fit of frustration, I threw the blackened "toast" across the kitchen and the retched device onto the kitchen floor. Letting out all my frustration, I repeatedly hit the toaster against the wall using _Wingardium Leviosa_. But Hermione heard the banging noises, and without a doubt, the numerable stream of curses that were escaping my mouth. She ran in within five seconds.

She stared at me in disbelief and before I could apologize (for nothing, really) she confiscated my wand and left me to sleep on the couch for the night.

The next morning, a small, extremely dented toaster sat next to a slightly blackened one stuffed with croissants.

My back ached from the uncomfortableness of the sofa (I must remind Hermione that we need to buy a new one) but I smiled, knowing that Hermione would've most likely given up the whole toaster thing.

I mean, a man can only learn so much. Maybe I had reached my limit. Cooking isn't _exactly _my forte anyway and it's painstakingly obvious that me and toasters equal disaster.

But as smart as Hermione's _supposed _to be, she must have missed that general common sense lesson because with twenty minutes of awakening, she had thrust another toaster into my hands.

I inwardly groaned. But with one look at Hermione, I felt myself give in as I walked into the kitchen and plugged in my least favorite muggle invention.

She handed me two slices of bread (I wonder how many loafs we've went through in the past few days) and I stuck them into the toaster. I smiled over at Hermione, trying to give her the message that I can handle the toaster

"Can I trust you to _not _make a mess this time?" She asked, with her arms folded and a smile on her face.

I rolled my eyes playfully. "I won't beat up any more toasters. You have my word." I said, as I raised my right hand in honesty. She laughed, kissing me on the cheek and left the kitchen.

I tapped my fingers on the counter top waiting impatiently when I realized that I had to pee really bad. I ran from the kitchen to the bathroom in a matter of seconds. I left the bathroom extremely relieved, and whistled as I slowly walked back to the kitchen.

Entering the kitchen, I realized that the lever had popped up. Walking faster towards the toaster, I had made my second realization; there was nothing in the toaster. I was extremely puzzled as I walked closer to the counter, looking into the toaster.

_Crunch._

I stopped. What did I just step on?

Looking down, I saw two pieces of toast lying underneath my feet. Bloody hell! Why the heck is the toast lying on the floor? Now I was extremely confused. I put two more slices of bread into the toaster and pushed the lever down.

I sat at the kitchen table and watched the toaster. I wanted to see how, in the name of Merlin, the toast ended up on the floor. I sat patiently and a few moments later, the lever popped up. The toast popped up as well, but this toaster it seems, uses a bit more force than the others because the toast popped up and went flying out of the toaster, landing on the floor.

This toaster is absolutely wicked! I entertained myself for awhile, toasting different things and seeing what flew out the highest and farthest from the toaster.

Eventually, I went and joined my wife in the library. I sat next to her and picked up the nearest book.

"Did everything go well with this toaster?" She asked, slightly cautiously.

I smiled. "It went perfectly." Then we both started reading in a comfortable silence. I was given back my wand, and was allowed to return to our bed that night.

The next morning, my wife woke and started her usual routine. I followed her down, into the kitchen as she stuffed bread into our wonderful toaster. I kissed her good morning and sat at the kitchen table.

I watched as she stood in front of the toaster waiting for her toast. The next minute the toast popped up _and out_, hitting her right in the face. I tried my hardest to hold in my laughter at her shocked expression. But it escaped me and I slowly fell to the floor in an extreme fit of laughter.

Hermione turned around and glared at me. "What the bloody hell did you do to the toaster?" She asked in a cold, angry but calm tone. The tone of her voice scared the crap out of me, and I immediately stopped laughing. She was blaming this on me? "I didn't do anything! I swear. The toaster was doing that all yesterday!" I tried to get her to understand before she hexed me, or worse, stuck me on the couch for another night.

"I thought you said that the toaster was perfect!" She stated, her mind already made up that I had done something.

I needed to grovel and beg before she hurt me. "How could I have done anything when you had my wand? I promise you, I did not do this." I looked up at her with my sad attempt at puppy dog eyes. She glared at me, and I could see that she obviously knew I was right, but being her stubborn self she would not admit it. Suddenly, she turned and ripped the plug from the outlet, grabbed the toaster and walked out of the house. I followed her and watched as she threw the toaster next to the others.

She walked past me in a huff, and went straight to the bedroom, locking the door behind her.

It looks like I have another night on the sofa.

I was woken by Hermione the next morning. She was smiling and I sighed in relief that she hadn't come to kill me or something.

But, then I saw it.

In her hand. It looked so innocent, and simple.

Yes, it was another toaster.

I literally forced myself not to groan or roll my eyes. I had hoped and prayed and begged that yesterday morning would have been my last encounter with these horrid machines.

But my one prayer could not be answered.

I followed Hermione into the kitchen and we plugged in the appliance. I stuck the bread in and pushed down the lever. We both sat at the table. I realized that Hermione no longer trusted to leave me alone with the toaster. I am getting sick of this toaster business; I haven't done anything but eat, sleep, and dream about toast and toasters.

Hermione and I sat in an uncomfortable silence. Neither of us wanted to speak to the other. We are both stubborn people, it's amazing that we manage to not kill each other and maintain a healthy, happy marriage (well, most of the time anyway).

Toast popped up, and I went to go get it. I was about a foot from the toaster when the whole appliance went up in flames. I stumbled backwards in shock.

Hermione jumped up, and scrambled to my side.

Reaching for my wand, I groaned, realizing that I left it by the couch. The flames by now had grown higher, and were burning the wooden cabinets above it. Hermione squeaked as she realized that she too, did not have her wand.

Grabbing her arm, I pulled her out of the kitchen. We just stared at the burning toaster for a few seconds. Then Hermione ran back in.

I panicked. "Hermione! No!" I ran in after her.

She ran to the wall opposite the toaster, and pulled this big, red thing from a shelf. I stopped and stared in curiosity as she ran towards the flaming toaster, which was now filling the room with thick, black smoke.

The red thing had a black tube attached to the top, and Hermione aimed it at the toaster. She pulled something, and this white, foamy stuff flew out of it and onto the flames.

The fire was out within minutes.

Hermione sighed, and dropped the red foam shooter, and wiped the sweat from her forehead. She started to slowly fall backwards and I ran forward, putting my arms around her.

I carried her outside, so we both could get some air. Our skin was smudged with black and we reeked of smoke.

"Are you okay?" I asked as I set her down on the front lawn.

She nodded, coughing. I enveloped her in a hug. She clung to me as if her life depended on it, as tears started to fall from her eyes.

"I was so scared. Draco, I was so scared." She cried over and over again, as she shook in my arms.

I rubbed her back soothingly. "It's okay, baby. It's over. You were so brave." Her arms tightened around my neck. "It's okay. Everything's fine." She nodded her head slowly. We sat on our lawn like this until day turned to night.

I woke up and smiled. Hermione was sleeping peacefully - her head resting on my chest, her arms wrapped around my waist, and her legs were wrapped around mine. She had not let go of me since the toaster incident yesterday. I completely understood because I did not want to let go of her either. I wrapped my arms around her slim waist and nuzzled my face into her hair.

She woke up and stretched. She smiled, kissed my lips and wrapped herself tighter around me.

I played with her hair gently, and a few minutes later I felt her hot tears falling on my chest.

"Hermione." I said, soothingly.

She didn't look up at me. "I'm sorry." She said quietly, as she choked on her tears.

I lifter her head up and looked into her eyes. "For what?"

"For making you use the toaster and all those other muggle appliances." She whipped some tears off her face. "It was all my fault. I shouldn't have kept forcing the toaster on you."

I shook my head. "It wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. Fires happen all the time, Hermione. We had no control over this."

"But-" She started to protest but I silenced her with my lips. I pulled away and she smiled. "You're right." She said.

"I'm always right."

She rolled her eyes. "Of course, you are." She said sarcastically with a smile on her face. We both laughed, and laid comfortably in each others arms.

"Hermione?" I asked a couple minutes later.

"Hmm."

"No more toasters, okay?"

She laughed. "Okay."

I would never have to face another toaster in this house again. It's amazing how something that caused me so much grief and frustration actually brought my wife and I closer together. We survived my disastrous attempts at using a toaster, and we can survive anything else that life throws at us.

Besides, I finally got my wife to realize that sometimes magic _is _easier.

"Hermione?" I ask again. "What was that foam shooting thing that you used to put out the fire?"

She smiled. "It's called a fire extinguisher."

Hmm. A fire extinguisher. It looked fun. Maybe it's possible that Hermione will let me learn that muggle appliance next.

Maybe I had developed an Arthur-Weasley-like obsession with muggle things. But, in my defense, I have been married for two years and four months to a muggle born witch, so it was bound to happen. _Right_?

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**Just a short one-shot. And all those toaster problems? Yeah, they happened to me. Lol. **

**I have an idea in mind for a sequel of some sort, but i'm not sure yet. Tell me what you think:)**

**Review, please!**


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